activefamilygrl

I made it into the finals in the contest at the fair with my dog… I HAVE to go on stage with her!!!!!!!!!!  IDk how I’m gonna do it…. 

Also on the UH OH list… I’ve been having pain throughout my whole body…. my hands, feet, ancles, etc swell up and have so much pressure…. I went to my spine doctor; I gotta get blood work to see if I have R.A.  which I hope I dont have arthritis at this age.. I knwo I have arthritis where I have my neck and back injury, but in all my joints….. ?????? But, the plus side woudl be at least I’d knwo why I cant move and why I’m in so much pain….right????

Also, I lost 6 pounds last week which is bad because it was too much too fast… for jsut a week….

On the YAY list…

I made my appointment for physical therapy

I walked 11 hours straight with VERY minimal resting on Sunday

I walked 5 hours straight with NO resting yesturday

I didn’t eat the whole bag, yesturday,  of maple cotton candy like I usually do at the fair…. I just take a bit here and there and still have half the bag!!!

I didn’t eat any junk greasy food at fair.. I have chiavettas CHKN BBQ

I joined Fitness Fanatics the beginning of the week and had to adjust the challanges, it wasn’t working out too well with my darn injuries, so I had to make up for it and did a lot of walking, my usual exercise… I also tried sit ups…. HA HA HA, my back wasn’t having it (no, I wasn’t using my back muscles, I was doing them correctly)….

But, the BIGGEST thing???  I went to Darien Lake with my kids today…. and, I put on my bathingsuit and went swimming with them.. WITHOUT a t-shirt or cover up on….  My theighs were rubbing together and now hurt a little…. And I felt like my butt was hanging out all over (although my friend and my boyfriend said I looked fine and it’s jsut all in my head)….. So, I did it and went swimming for a couple hours in an OVERCROWDED pool in an OVERCROWDED amusement park!!!!  So, I was proud of msyelf….. Although I was still VERY self-concious and my chest was killing me (anxiety) and I cried on teh way home; I still did it…… 

And tomorrow I am going to the fair with my boyfriend and his family…. I am wearign pants though.. BUT, I’m gonna try to wear a tank top and TRY my best not to make nasty comments to and about msyelf……

Hey, I’m just surprised that when my dad came up to visit for a day, I didn’t hear any comment form him about my dark hair or my weight….. But, he also didnt compliment me at all either.. and my boyfriend ethought it was cute that I did my hair all up, put on make up and wore my nicest clothes the 2 tiems I saw him while he was up for 24 hours form Florida….. But, I expected too much and am just happy I at least didn’t get any negative comments form him…….

Par tof me thinks I’m challenging myself to do too much too soon….. I want to be okay and happy NOW; not jsut with weight, but everything…… At least I have Nick here, he’s always complimenting me and just looking at him or him seeing me gets him excited ….. so, I guess I can’t look that bad… right??  IDK…. I’m like 50% sure it’s all just me.. and all in my head…..

I posted before about putting myself out there and entering a contest where I can win grooming and treats for my dog, Abby.  It was a BIG step and its been scaring me because I’d have to go up on stage in FRONT of people; and I’m already self-concious and anxious around people just going to a store or to walk Abby, or to the playground with the kids.  So, was thinking that this contest would be a good thing to throw me out there and acheive somethign and maybe make me feel better about myself…

Well, I don’t think I can do it.  I posted in other places to vote for Abby, and I got TONS of replies and comments from people saying that fat people should not be on-line.. Or, my dog looks like she is drowing in me… Or that I’m too ugly to be going on stage and it’s a good thing Abby is blind so she doesn’t have to look at me….  Not to mention I had a bunch of people vote for the 1st place person, tell me, and then make those comments!  So, don’t vote for me just because I’m FAT and ugly?!?!?! Okay, whatever, don’t go vote, but don’t make comments….

I wanted so hard to be proud of how I look and accomplish something, but I don’t think I can do it…. I want to give up on everything…. I want to just crawl in a hole and never come out…. Part of me still wants to do the contest, but so much of me is saying to just stop and forget it because once I’m there, on stage with Abby, I’ll just get laughed off the stage……  I knew there was a reason why I’m not getting votes.. because the people are right; fat people shouldn’t be doing this stuff…. 

I don’t know what to do…

I posted before about a contest, you can read my last post… PLEASE, if you all can, the site is back up now… can you please go to www.americas-fair.com and click on “vote for snoopy”  and vote for Peppermint Patty (me and my dog Abby).   Abby is blind a deaf, 7 eyars old and she will win free grooming, dog treats and a “doggy basket”… She is behind by 14 votes… AND, if you vote, you could win a $50 gas gift card… Just put your name and e-mail address when you vote… You can vote once a day….. Thank you all for beign aupportive…..

I grew up weighing 100 pounds.  Even after I had my kids, I was back down to 120 in no time.  I’m 25 and I’m over 200 now.  I’ve been gettign more and more depressed.  And, I want to know if it would be possible to accept my weight, be confident and not be obsessed with how people seem to stare or make comments.  Since gaining weight, I’ve been obsessed about how I look or what other people think of me.  My depression has sky rocketed and the only place I can go to let it out is here because I feel like I am here with other people who understand and might even feel or be the same way. 

But, I started working on my depression and self-confidence.  And, I am scared to death, but gave myself a BIG push.  When I do leave my house, I’m going hiking where there isn’t people, I go fishing where there isn’t people, and I go shopping at night when most people are sleeping….  So, to get out there and conqur my fear not only of people, but my weight…. I decided to enter a contest.  Surprisingly I got in the top 10; prolly because of all the laughs I gave the deciding judges… Anyways….. if I make the top 5, I go, with my dog Abby and go ON STAGE in front of THOUSANDS of people.  Not only do I show off Abby, and talk to and in front of people… But, I HAVE TO DRESS UP LIKE A PEANUTS CHARACTER… and since I dont like dresses and have dark hair, I chose Peppermint Patty….

So, right now a picture of me and Abby, my dog, dressed up as Peppermint Patty is on-line.. and to be able to conqur my fear and make the top 5; I need ya’ll to vote for me.  I’m scared to death and since I found out I’m in the top 10, I’ve been scared and shakey; but I need to get through it and I NEED to go through this… and majorly boost my confidence… I need the boost and the push… 

Plus, if you vote, you could be one of 4 people who could win a $50 gas gift card!  So, if you could, PLEASE go vote for the only heavy girl to be brave enough to put her picture up there with her BEAUTIFUL doggy. 

Go to www.americas-fair.com and click on “vote for snoopy”  Then, vote for Peppermint Patty….. That’s me!!!!  And my Abby!  About Abby, she’s blind, deaf and an Australian Shepard…..

 I just hope if I make the top 5, I am able to go out there and show myself in fornt of people and tlak to people…. I’m so SCARED!!!!!! But, I HAVE to do it….

Does anyoen else hide because of fear of rejection, humiliation, stares, etc?

Since me and Nick have been togehter, he has been so supportive that he decided to do the same things I am doing.  We go to the gym together (he even got me my membership), we eat the same foods (although he eats junk food at work too), we walk the same amount (although I take the dog more more and brisker walks), and well…. we should be at least close to the page here!  

But no!  I went to my doctors, I was happy to see that I JUST made it BELOW the 200 mark!  But, I only lost 4 pounds!  WTF!  I’ve been busting my butt, eating 2 meals a day (hey, at least I’m up to eating that much), I don’t snack and I only have 3 Tim Horton’s coffees a week (used to be 3 a day!)!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nick goes to the doctors on the SAME DAY…. HE LOST 40 POUNDS!!!!!!!!  And, he drinks pop (I RARELY drink pop), he eats A LOT of junk food at work, he eats crab meat rangoon every day (a deep fried chinese appetizer that isn’t good for you), and he sits most of the time whereas I’m always GO GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, and my mom even said it; I feel like I am LIVING in the SlimQuick commercial!!!!!!!!!!  Which reminds me that I have a bottle in the closet, I should maybve give it a try to help me along…..

I know, not a QUICK fix, but maybe a boost b/c I am doing what I am supposed to be doing but not getting any results.. and I did have a partial hysterectomy… So, IDK what to do!  My doctor is quick to say “eat less, do more”…. If I eat any less, I won’t be eating; I eat healthy (I LOVE MY VEGGIES AND FRUIT!) and I actually do A LOT more than I am supposed to with my neck and back (I hurt myself really bad yesturday)…. I even have sex at least twice a day (sex is a GREAT work out ladies)…..

I don’t knwo what else to do!!!!  But, it’s the last day of the month and I didn’t get my period.. Which could explain a bit… BUT, also, my body is so out of whack form stress and such that that could also be a reason…..

IDK… What do you think I should do to lose 40 pounds like he did?  WE already do the sme stuff (except he’s a bad boy a lot of times)…….

For starters, for some strange reason, my BuddySlim was up and then I just disappeared… no clue why.  So, I made a new one, this one and couldn’t post anything!  Even my mom checked it out and couldn’t figure out the problem.  I wrote to Dr. Marc and today… I CAN POST!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!  I’m so happy….

So, now, I am looking for all my friends who I had on my other BuddySlim Page and looking to catch up with everyone.. As for me; me and Eric, my husband split a few months ago…. He shut off the utilities on me and the kids and just never came back.. didn’t even give us a warning that he was doing that!!!!  He also chose not to be in their lives.  So, we were technically homeless for a bit but a friend asked his parents if me and the kids can stay at his parents house (he lived at hom with his parents) until I got a place…..

And here is the good news…. Staying there for so long, and that friendship of MANY years (knew eachother and rode bus form 1st grade til 5th grade then even switched schools together a year apart) turned into a relationship….

So now, I am happy with someone who compliments me… No smoking, drinking, drugs, partying… And, he puts up with all my hiking, walking, active lifestyle while also making sure I am takign care of myself becasue of my neck and back injuries…. And althoguh he ahs no kids, he works with children with disabilities and behavioral problems….. So, he is GREAT with Joshua (Josh is autistic)…. Both of the kids are adjustign well… and are both very happy and thriving!  WE’ve been very active; fishing, walking, hiking, soccer, Darien Lake seasons passes, camping, babysitting lots of kids, playgroudn everyday, etc…..

The down side?  After Eric left, I shut down and put on 30 pounds…. I’m back up to 203!  I never thought I’d be over 200!!!!!  But, I am…. And now I am working on getting myself into shape physically and emotionally to I can get back down….  So, it’s a work in progress….

Oh, the new guy.. funy thing is.. his name is Nick…. if you knwo my mom, you’d know why that is funny….. My mom just married a Nick…..

I really want to make new friends…. I don’t have any friends aroudn here… so, I need my cyber buddies to talk with and share stuff with….. So, don’t be shy to add me…..

Talk to you all soon….